Limbaugh: “I am a very bad person.”

In a shocking turnabout, Rush Limbaugh reneges on almost everything he’s ever said, in an article published in America’s most reliable news organization, The Onion:

I know there are a lot of people out there who are upset about some of the things I’ve been saying on my radio program lately. My comments about the situation in Haiti have hurt and angered many Americans who genuinely care about the plight of the Haitian people, and that hurt and anger will likely never go away. Many of you are probably wondering, “What would compel a human being to say things like that?” Well, here’s your answer: I am a very bad person. And, to tell you the truth, I don’t really want to be alive anymore.

Some of his revelations are rather disturbing — I hope for his sake he’s on a suicide watch.